On a serious note.

I was privy to a conversation yesterday between both of my tutors, Chris and Steve, discussing the potential misreading and misunderstanding of my work, in the light of recent events that have occured here.
At the beginning of the year, a little girl called Lydia unfortunately passed away on the College site, and there have been ongoing hearings and trials surrounding this incident.
The tutors were talking about the possible links between the aforementioned tragedy, and my work. Whilst I explore the idea of memory and existence, because I am relaying these ideologies through the use of childhood photos of myself, I can see how people could see my art and think I am making a connection. From this I need to be delicate around the situation; it is my absolute last intention to cause upset or further hurt to anyone.
Chris discussed the idea of writing a plaque of piece of information to go with my art, and whilst I understand the reasons behind this, to inform the public that it's not my intention or purpose to make any relation, I specifically do not want my audience to know the reasons behind my work, so I feel that by making an information sheet, it defeats the entire point of my art.

I do admire your courage. I think I'll eat your heart.

Red Dragon.

From a trilogy of films based on Hannibal Lecter, I was watching the second film, Red Dragon a while ago, and there is a specific shot and sub plot within the murder investigation scene by the police officer- it caught my attention, and actually influenced my work (but not in a weird twisted way, fyi).

The bit I mean is where Will Graham (police officer) is looking and noting the first crime scene in order to reveal particular idiosyncrasies of the killer, and it is where he finds the smashed mirrors in the house of the victims. The bits of mirror are then placed in the victims' eyes. It is this part that was important to me; a famous quote is that "eyes are the window to the soul" and from here I began thinking.

I was thinking about it (long winded, but stay with me) because eyes are a personal thing.. Most of us would be happy to donate our organs when we pass away, but plenty of people I know wouldn't donate their eyes. Why? "Because they're mine, I've seen my life through them.. they're my own". Therefore grew my initial ideas in the pathway stage of covering the [photos of me as a baby] eyes in my first photographs with words. It was a later accident that saw my idea of scratching photos of myself away, to remove the personality of the person. It started with the eyes but then moved into the whole body to create a removal of existence.

The latter idea was also partially taken from a moment in a scene from Red Dragon again; the scrapbook about Hannibal, belonging to The Tooth Fairy killer shows a scribbling out of a photograph with a pen, and it slightly screws the paper up. My work was simply the intentional act of this 'Freudian slip'.

Sodium Hypochlorite.

In initial experiments during the Pathway Stage, I was thinking about the 'removal of existence', and therefore was working towards how I could show this in a physical sense.
It was a concept that had sprung from the idea of pickling and preservation of life- something not dissimilar to Hirst's Shark in Formaldehyde (The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living).

However my idea was the complete opposite, only with the aesthetics of the impression of preserving. I decided to try a quick, crude version- a mock up shall we say. I simply used old glass jars and inserted a photograph (printed onto cartridge paper; this allows absorption of the liquid) then filled the first jar with white spirit. After a week or so, I couldn't see any changes at all so decided to fill a second jar with house bleach. The colour of the bleach is a watery yellow, but actually adds to the aesthetic of "pickling".

I did this around a month ago, and looked at the bleached jar recently. It has eroded away at the paper photograph and has left it looking chewed at, old and worn. I decided that I want this work to become part of my final piece/ installation, so created new bleached jars with more thought and consideration taken this time.

I realise to be creating final work with almost 4 weeks of the project left sounds premature, but it needs the time to 'pickle' and for the bleach to take any effect on the photographs. I chose to use two baby bottles instead of glass jars as on first appearance they seem far less hostile, and can almost just blend into the background of work until the public use their eyes to explore the cruel realities. I have also purposely chosen photographs of myself at slightly different ages, but close enough so the audience can see it is the same little person.

Again, through thought and consideration, I have used two photos that hide the faces of the child (seen below). This repeats the overall ideology that I know the denotation of my work, of the photographs and the people in them, but that my audience does not. I don't want people to know from the outset that every image within the work is of me at various ages and stages of life. If they work it out, then good on them but I'm not one to be giving out a head start.

Hand Grenades.

Susan Hiller. A video /photography /installation artist, she annually holds a "cremation" for her works; she sets fire to the work and later fills the ashes into jars- paralleling the human service.

The photograph to the right is of her work Hand Grenades 1972, whereby each cyclinder contains individually labelled paintings from 1969. The artist describes her annual burning and reconfiguring of paintings in quasi-scientific formats as a ‘ritual’.

This notion adds to the feel of ephemera, and something I want to touch on in a sense, but not for it to overpower the pieces I create.

Back to basics.

I thought I'd write up about the workshop I took part in a few weeks ago just as an extra note.

I was invited to take part in an Analogue Photography workshop led by Megan Wellington as part of her PGCE course. I was slightly nervous simply due to having never academically studied Photography, it's always been more of a hobbie, an interest of mine but never being properly shown how to take a photo. Self taught, if you like.
We were asked about pros and cons of both Analogue and Digital Photography at the start of the session- the obvious and typical points were made, for example: you can take numerous attempts in digital, but with analogue the moment capture is precious; you can't waste frames (film is now *expletive* expensive!).

To my surprise, we were given one of Megan's (many) cameras to explore and play around with, plus a whole roll of film between 2- so 11/12 frames each. She gave us time to get to grips with the depth of field, aperture and light balance of the cameras, testing out variations in each frame to see on development if we could see the differences.
It was something that interested me far more than I imagined; having always used Digital Photography, I had never really seen the benefits with film. Since the workshop however, I have invested in my own Canon AE-1 35mm SLR Film Camera!

Below are a couple of the photographs I took and some annotation. Although they both slightly bled, I love the aesthetic.

Crit Feedback

Yesterday as a continuation of the lecture Tom Rodgers gave on Tuesday, artist and curator Emma Bolland and Judit Bodor came in to give a talk about their own work, as well as the current collaboration (with Rodgers) exhibition Milky Way You Will Hear Me Call in the College Gallery.
They talked about the work they do in terms of curating, creating and collaborating, a considerable amount of which I found to be fairly contradictory, but hey, I guess that's artists for you.

Afterwards, Emma and Tom came into the Fine Art room to talk to some of us about our project work and ideas, then gave the opportunity to offer feedback and constructive criticism.
I wanted to speak to them as I found their words and work to be relevant to my own ideologies; both Emma and Tom could see the links between my intentions and their current work.
I was suggested things like:

• clear out my desk/ wall- it's currently inhabited by a lot of previous project work, so by cleaning and sorting things out, it would allow me to see more clearly the current work I am progressing with, rather than becoming sidetracked from non important material. It again gives the opportunity to see my work as a collective, to see the cohesion and intertextuality between the pieces and to be able to view what works and where it is weaker, etc.
• "take your work for a walk"- this was an idea to get me out of my 'domestic' box that I appear to have put myself into; Emma said to literally move and work in different places as I could become potentially domesticated into the idea of working in one particular place or manner- to remove myself from familiar environments that would allow me to concentrate deeper into the FMP work. Secondly, it was suggested to pick up ideas, for example taking my work to the park: the connoted link between photographs of a child within the park environment, to take new photographs and explore the potential and ideas to come from it. By using old photographs in a new place and time, it seems to explore the links and juxtapositions in a well rounded manner.

These were both helpful comments, something I can carry out and experiment with ease. Initially I was a bit dubious to have my work critiqued by practising artists as I feared my work would be instantly slated, but in hindsight it was extremely helpful. If anything, it allowed me to look a little more 'outside the box', to be horrifically cliched.

FINISHED Statement Of Intent.

Section One- Your Final Major Project

The title of my Final Major Project collection is “These Faded Memories”. Within this project I am aiming towards producing a body of work that evolves around the ideas of deterioration of existence and the ideas of memory that are interlinked. I am hoping to create a realised, final installation piece that contextualises the domestic environment and our individual understanding and relationships with these places. Ideologies from my work during the Pathway Stage shall be carried further into the final project; the idea of personal empathy towards individual experiences of the past and our own memories of childhood through photographic documentation and the ephemera that surrounds it. A key element within my project is also the idea that my memories are my own; the audience takes their own view, understanding and perspective, whilst I know truth amongst the unknown, but it is an identity I do not wish to share. Interpretation and connotation are the basis of significance that surrounds this body of work.

Section Two- Influences, Research, Sources and Ideas

Artists and photographers that work with the ideas of identity, memory and existence have been the main influence for the ideas of my final project; Christian Boltanski, Richard Billingham and Thomas Rodgers are key to the links between produced work, and my own ideas and intentions. I have however also looked into contextual theories such as those of Sigmund Freud and Ilya Kabakov; Freud’s work into the theory of the uncanny is directly relatable to the work throughout this project. I also plan to visit locations such as IKEA, show homes and neighbour/relatives homes to collect imagery of the domestic environment; past and present.

Section Three- Techniques, Processes, and Timescale

My intention throughout this project is to utilise found objects, to experiment with their own history and contextual concept within my work. The idea that using the readymade from my own life and childhood, already creates an idea of the pieces becoming ephemera, juxtaposing with the impression of the permanence of a photograph. I also plan to experiment into the editing of photographs which is a crucial part of the idea of fading within the memory, alongside framing and adding to the indication of a homely, domestic feel. The timescale reflects a realistic, set out plan within six weeks to achieve the greatest input and output of work.

Section Four- Method of Evaluation

Analysis of the Final Major Project shall come from the reviews during group critiques as well as any other given opinions which I shall record in my sketchbooks. I will look into the analysis of the overall aesthetic, as well as individual aspects of the work(s) in terms of technique, composition, framing, and spatial awareness within the exhibition. Throughout the project I intend to take photographs and annotate the current successes and failures within each phase of the timescale, in order to relate back to the referenced work of both artists and contextual theories. This proposal will help with my overall review of the project and from here will be able to determine success and articulate the areas in which could be improved upon.